I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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