He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
