The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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