another moral hangover. fuck.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
