I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
