One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
