Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
