True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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