you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
