I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
