she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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