just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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