3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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