dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
