apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
