Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
