Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
