Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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