Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
