i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
