closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I love you. Go after that dick
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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