I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
