I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Randomize
