my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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