I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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