put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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