well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
