anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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