my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
