i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
