I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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