dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
