Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
