Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Randomize
