Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
