You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
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we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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