Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
