PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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