Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
