just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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