So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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