someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
