This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
