I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
