If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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