That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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