Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
