I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
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So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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