what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
