she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
