After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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