he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
