um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Houston, we have a blender
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
