i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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