something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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