I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
