The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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