My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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