And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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