toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If that was your dad, he is hot
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The best revenge is premature balding
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
