Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm at about main and main street
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
