Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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