Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
