why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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