I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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