A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
