His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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